I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
