You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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