god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
