You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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