Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
