This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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