I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
