Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
