They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
