he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
