he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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