tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
