one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
