Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
