dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
