Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Vodka?
Forever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
