I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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