haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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