Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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