I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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