why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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