Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
