I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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