your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
