Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
