i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
