I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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