Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
