Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
