I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we're making bets on your personal life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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