i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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