Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
