I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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