don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
