Don't you send me to vm
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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