remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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