Pappa wants mamma naked
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
