you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
