This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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