I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
