I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize