She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
