DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
