it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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