can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
