So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
