No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
