Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
