you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
