dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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