There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
