well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
