i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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