He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
