Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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