You smell like a Billy Joel song
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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