Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
