just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
