took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
