2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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