i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
