I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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