My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
